Pictured: The UK internet in its uphill battle for improvement.

This particular feather in the cap marries technology and politics: It’s no great discovery and it’s hardly rocket-science: In fact it’s glaringly obvious. However, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The British internet infrastructure is a fiasco. This time I have the backing of Ofcom; the UK telecoms regulator:-

A survey carried out for Ofcom indicated that the average UK customer typically gets only around 45% of the broadband speed advertised by their ISP that they’re paying for: Rip-off Britain in action. What do the ISP’s intend to do about it? As usual as little as possible: As long as the cash is coming in they’ll do their utmost to provide the minimum which they can get away with: i.e. Faster than dialup … Because they can’t possibly get away with anything less.

Researchers did 10 million tests in 1,500 homes in the UK over a period of 30 days. They found, not only that broadband speeds in rural areas were up to 15% less than those in urban environments, but also that the typical internet speed was an average of 3.6 Mb/s (Megabits per second.), despite the fact that the usual broadband speed currently advertised in the UK is 8Mb/s or more.

BT advertise 8Mb/s over their copper-wire telephone network, and Virgin Media advertise 20Mb/s over their fibre-optic network.

I’m a BT customer who lives within a few minutes walk of the BT exchange. A few years ago I was told that my internet speed was being increased from 2Mb/s to 8Mb/s for no extra charge. The 2Mb/s speed barely reached 1.5 Mb/s normally; and proportionally speaking the 8Mb/s service hardly ever gets above 6Mb/s. It’s normally at around 3 Mb/s. In fact, over the Christmas period last year (2008) it dropped to just below 1Mb/s.

That’s rip-off Britain for you: ‘Take all your wealth from you and give you shit in return.

It’s quite abysmal also that Virgin Media’s fibre-optic service; advertised at 20Mb/s, rarely gets up to a paltry 10Mb/s in most areas.

Having said that; when the faster service was first switched on; I clocked speeds of up to 7.3 Mb/s. This was short-lived, though. In addition to that my existing modem provided by BT was unable to cope with the faster internet and kept disconnecting until it eventually no longer worked at all. BT’s partially-English speaking Indian call-centre weren’t having any of it, and the person I had the displeasure of talking with gave me such grief that I ended up testing every bit of cable from my BT socket as well as the socket itself, through to my modem, then the patch lead from my modem to the computer. I then replaced the ADSL filter and still no internet. The Indian fascist on the other end of the phone told me that my computer was faulty and that I’d have to return it to the manufacturer. I informed him that I was the manufacturer, and that the line and modem didn’t work on any of my other computers either. I also informed him that he was a scare-mongering ignorant tele-thug who had no place in a call centre. I demanded to speak to his supervisor, who, it turned out, couldn’t understand a word of English. Eventually, after I managed to get to speak to someone who was a little more fluent, they agreed to send me a modem that was capable of handling the increased speed.

As I said in the past; BT is a rather reliable ISP; but when things do go wrong they’re hell to deal with.

As is the case with myself, millions of other internet customers are getting less than half the broadband speed they are paying for, restricting their ability to download music, film and games. It’s the stupid British people’s fault just as much as the ISP’s: They just grin and bear it; not daring to complain. I’ve complained about it before; but just got myself branded as a trouble-maker by BT and was ignored.

Here’s something: the download speed meter which is part of the BT Online Help software which they give you with their service, along with free Norton Security Centre (An outdated version.) and other useless bloatware, all of which I wouldn’t use even if they offered to pay me to use it, has a few lines of unchanging text underneath it, which says something to the effect of: -

"This speed is judged to be acceptable by BT for your connection, bearing in mind the time of day and the distance of your property from the BT exchange. Although BT do advertise a certain download speed, we are unable to maintain this at all times. Factors that can affect the speed of your connection include the distance of your computer from the telephone socket, the distance of your place of residence from the exchange, as well as the number of users currently using our services."

…And my age, the position of the sun relative to the galactic core, in addition to the effect of Jupiter’s gravitational pull on the Earth no doubt.

This message appears no matter what the download speed: I’d still get exactly the same message if it was 1 byte a year. It’s just another cop-out from BT.

There is something to do with the speeds pertaining to the time of day though: In the tests that were run; speeds were lowest between 5pm and 6pm on Sundays, when internet usage is at its peak. – Can’t you just hear the infrastructure creaking under the weight put upon it? Don’t you smell the stench of melting insulation as the copper wires heat up?!

…And still the politicians are talking about doing something about it in a future tense. UK businesses such as BT are holding back on doing anything about it until they can be sure that they’ll make instant vast profits.

David Cameron, leader of the Opposition, says "Elect the Tories at the next election and we’ll do something about it."

Meanwhile Gordon Brown is still thinking about doing something about it. Perhaps he’ll say: -

"No; elect the Labour Party at the next election and we’ll do even more about it."

…And then have a round of meetings to discuss it for another four years if he gets elected?

Don Foster, the Liberal Democrat culture, media and sport spokesman, said:

“This is yet more evidence that broadband providers are ripping off British consumers.”

– Quite obviously not much gets past him!

Jeremy Hunt, – which rhymes with "front", and "runt", – the Shadow Culture Secretary, is expected to voice his criticism today. In a speech to be delivered at Microsoft’s London offices, he will say:-

“The UK has some of the slowest broadband speeds in the developed world, coming 21st out of 30 countries in a survey by the US-based Information Technology & Innovation Foundation.” 

- To which Microsoft will probably quite rightly reply "If you can’t maintain your own country that you’re supposed to be looking after; we’re not going to do it for you. Sod off!"

The song lyrics "A little less conversation – A little more action" spring to mind.

One thing is that if we keep talking about it long enough we’ll eventually no doubt be welcomed warmly into the third-world; where we can learn to communicate by means of bongo-drums instead.

"That’s almost up to 30 kilobytes a second so far!"

If you happen to live in the UK and happen to use Virgin Media, BT, Sky, Carphone Warehouse, Orange, or Tiscali; then at some point you may be receiving a warning letter from your ISP saying that you’ve been making illegal downloads, and threatening to suspend or possibly terminate your internet service.

These ISPs are on a three-month trial scheme, instructed by the British government, clamping down on pirating software and music, and notifying suspected repeat offenders that their actions are under scrutiny.

It’s still a mystery exactly which people these “suspected repeat offenders” could be: No doubt the ones they’ll watch are people who use P2P: So if you use LimeWire, BearShare, or any of the other P2P software for whatever reason then watch out. You don’t really imagine that they’re actually going to monitor traffic do you? That would use huge resources and cost millions – A simple P2P signature will probably activate a printer to dispatch a letter to you automatically; guilty or not.

There are currently no plans of disconnecting those who persist. The ISPs are seeking a unified code of conduct on what to do with those who continue to do so in talks with Ofcom; the UK Telecoms Regulator. One of the proposed options is to disconnect someone after sending them 3 of these warning letters. My question is: Where’s the proof? You can’t punish someone on suspicion. Just imagine if the law behaved like that: Half of the world’s population would be in jail.

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UK business secretary John Hutton believes that this is an “intelligent approach”. The ISPs agreed to this trial following the warning from the UK government that it would impose legislation if they didn’t do something to discourage illegal filesharing. If the powers that be imagine for a second that this has any relationship whatsoever with intelligence then I think the UK Govt. should have a motion drafted against it for having none.

It is believed that six million people in the UK are involved in such activities. If they know this then why don’t they just issue six million warnings straight away? It would be so much easier and consume far less resources. Also I’m just wondering: What if you happen to be an innocent party who’s never done an illegal download in their life; and you get one of these letters – Then what? Do you phone the ISP and argue your case? I doubt they’ll even listen: You’re guilty because a computer decided that you should be sent a letter – End of story. No doubt after letter 1 you’ll be put on a “watch list”, and a computer will have no hesitation in deciding that you should receive letter No.2. Use your imagination from this point onwards.

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Addendum 01.08.08

It appears that something positive is happening about this matter, and that once again the fascist UK goverment has introduced an unworkable proposal that won’t stand up to European Law.

For more on this subject go here.

It won’t be long before sophisticated advanced computers are scrutinising your every move online – Just you wait and see if I’m not right.

As for the Carphone Warehouse; well it’s hardly “Your phone your way” is it?

More like “our service, our rules”.