British Telecommunications (BT) appear to have a good and fairly reliable standard of service with respect to their technology and technological services; such as internet, telephone, and the other technologies that they cover. I find that it’s pretty solid, made of sturdy stuff, and things rarely go wrong.

When they do go wrong, though, the flaws start to show. I’ve mentioned this a few times before, and I feel that it’s a subject that I should cover again, as despite my earlier posts, as well as the public’s experiences with their appalling customer-services regarding their foreign call-centres, combined with my reporting them for dodgy advertising practices and awful customer relations practices, nothing seems to have changed: They just nonchalantly carry on regardless.

Whenever I ring BT for whatever reason I get stress. They usually pass me around departments; each one of which interrogates me with the same stet spiel before passing me on to the next. Most are in India and I have to say everything in triplicate before they understand me anyway. As a bonus they appear to have been trained to think that no BT customer is intelligent enough to use a word of more than 2 syllables or to have any idea whatsoever of using a computer. When I do finally get through to the right department, I usually find that I’m talking to a fairly young Indian girl with an extremely strong Indian accent who appears to think she knows everything there is to know about everything, talks down to me in a patronising manner – slowly as if I was retarded – avoiding using technical terms, and despite my indicating that I build computers and install software + have qualifications in analogue and digital electronics, treating me as if I was a technophobe with an IQ of 10. If I ask to talk to her supervisor it takes about 10 minutes to get her supervisor on the line after 5 minutes of requesting; only for the supervisor to read from the same script that was earlier read to me, and tell me that she can’t help me any further than she already has, but if I’d like to pursue the matter further I should ring another of BT’s trillions of departments, (Probably in a room next door, or at the back of the call-centre in India.) on such-and-such a number. (When I do I find that I’m told that I’m speaking to the wrong department, and after being transferred through another X departments – undergoing identification interrogation at each of them, I find I end up speaking to the same Indian girl who offers to put me on hold while she transfers me yet again; after which the line goes dead.

Right BT: I’ve had enough. – As have millions of others who’ve switched their telephone service and/or ISP to another provider.

- They’re crafty bleeders too: Every time I phone them to get a better deal from them, (I must admit that they can be bargained and bartered with, and that’s a good thing. – But they’ll only drop a certain amount: If you push them too far they’ll just end the call.) I end up signing a 12 or 18-month contract in order to get what I want. That means that I spend over half the time tied to them.

A bit more on bartering with BT: If you feel that you’re not getting a fair deal, and/or you know that you can get a better deal elsewhere as regards price; ring their sales department – Which is at least partially located in the UK, ask to speak to someone in authority, and tell them exactly why you think you’re not getting a good deal from them.

Don’t lie: They may be incompetent but they’re not stupid. If you lie they’ll just politely tell you that they are unable to help you and end the call. Be honest with them and they’ll hopefully be fair with you. I can almost guarantee that they’ll tie you into a contract; but don’t be put off by that: If you’re properly self-aware then you’ll be able to negotiate further deals whilst under contract on the basis that you renew your contract for a full-term.

Snide Ba—rds!

OK back to the point: BT; you are getting to a point where you are going to shoot yourself in the foot if you squeeze any harder: That thing which you’re squeezing has become a trigger which will lead to your eventual self-destruction in the present economic climate. Either get your act together or prepare to slowly and tortuously go under.

I feel that the only reason why anyone would use BT’s internet services is because they’re less fault-prone than anyone else’s: That’s the positive side to them. They work and they work properly 99.99% of the time. – However, aside from their abysmal PR efforts, BT are rather expensive, also they’re neither the fastest ISP in the UK, nor are they future-proofed at the present moment. In fact Virgin Media are beginning to appear a nicer and nicer alternative as time goes by.

Virgin Media aren’t quite as reliable as BT in my opinion: They have got a lot better in this respect though, and they continue to do so. To anyone in a cabled area who’s thinking of changing ISP; I suggest Virgin Media as one of the best options. As for those in a non-cabled area; I suggest Virgin Media or BT – BT being the most reliable of the two for now, as two of the best options; whereas Virgin Media will probably have more chance of being the better of the two in the future. The choice is yours out of the two.

There is a single lower-cost provider who I would recommend to the same, even in some cases to a greater, extent than either of these two, though. More on that further down.

Other ISPs?

Other ISPs? Well I’m not too bothered about most other ISPs as far as landline communications are concerned. Mobile communications are a different matter and are outside the scope of this article. Most other ISPs probably use BT or Virgin Media’s equipment to carry their data, and probably buy up spare capacity in wholesale amounts; hence their pricing policies being discounted in some way. When something goes wrong, though, they have to check their own equipment first -The delay caused at this point can be anything between immediately and eternally. Following that, if they can’t find a fault, they have to ask their providers to check if there are any faults on the carrier equipment, which is requested but usually goes to the back of the queue. Some parts of some cheaper networks have been known to be down for weeks at a time in the past. – If you pay peanuts you get the services of monkeys.

BUT…

There is one that is cheap-er than BT, but is pretty reliable: That being the Utility Warehouse, who actually own a percentage of the network that they use, in addition to purchasing spare-capacity from other carriers. – Which is why I advertise them on this site. A FTSE-listed company that can win an award from Which? magazine must be worth considering as an option. I’ll say no more; but why not click on the ad and find out more about them? They’re a UK-only service currently, so I hope I haven’t wasted your time if you live outside the UK.

If there’s anything you’d like to add, contradict, or express an opinion on, then please do comment.

Here’s another moan about BT: The British face of Indian incompetence; or should that read the Indian face of British incompetence? :

BT, for those not in the know, are British Telecommunications; a multinational conglomerate which centres its’ operations here in the UK. Years ago BT took the British telephone network over from the Post Office Telecommunications department and had a monopoly for some years, until the rise of Mercury Communications in 1995 following deregulation of telecommunications services. Mercury tried to be as big as BT but cheaper from the off – And went bust. Following further deregulation and an independent enquiry from the Monopolies and Mergers Commission into unfair monopolisation and anti-competitiveness by BT, the telecommunications giant was forced to share its exchanges and equipment with other upcoming telecommunications companies; hence the many ISPs and phone services around in the UK today.

If you read the article “BT and the 150 Fuckwits“; you’ll realise that BT aren’t my favourite cup of tea right now. Nevertheless I still use BT as my ISP and phone-line* provider because things rarely go wrong, since in essence they built the modern UK telephone network and know it inside-out.

(* I use 18185.co.uk for calls.)

On the rare occasions that things do go wrong, however, it’s usually at the most inopportune moment and it’s nearly impossible to get any sense out of the Indian at a call-centre in India on the other end of the phone; unless you happen to get one who is experienced in speaking English and has a technical background: Unusual circumstances, but it has happened.

-So you can imagine how unbelievably pissed-off I was when right in the middle of a PC Mech online meeting, early this morning in the UK; my internet connection failed, and everything; pictures from Florida and IRC, vanished into a greyed-out window.

My BT Home Hub router was displaying signs that it wasn’t getting a signal. (The Broadband light was flashing fast orange while the Wireless and Power lights were a stable green.) I checked my own wiring between the BT phone socket and the computer – Which was all fine.

Forgetting the BT Broadband Desktop Help software I had installed I instead made the mistake of phoning BT: Ten minutes later when I had negotiated the series of complicated menus I was told that the team was available between the hours of … But if I needed technical assistance; phone 0800 800 …. After another puzzling set of menus I finally got through to … an Indian with a strong accent who spent the next 15 minutes verifying my identity:

Now to be helpful I always; within the first few sentences, state my name, account number, etc. This guy was a product of the job though; a biological answering machine: He asked me for all my details including name, account number, etc, again.

He then instructed me to bring up the router’s control panel by typing in the router’s ip address, which I did. We then went through every different way to try to make the router connect to something, without success. He then got me to check my wiring again; which I did with a continuity tester, and then he had me taking the BT socket apart and connecting directly to the phone line itself. Now I’m a geekette, and a computer-builder, as well as a blogger, so I always have a small flat-headed screwdriver lying around somewhere; but how many other people actually do same? Not a lot. He seemed to take it for granted, however, that all BT customers have a basic toolkit to hand at all times, and have at least some technical know-how….Anyway the result of this was that the situation stayed the same. He said he was going to test my line and would have to ring me on another line, so I gave him my business line number and as soon as I hung up I popped a new ADSL filter module in circuit just to be on the safe side.

I waited an hour and phoned again. This time a non-English-speaking technically-illiterate Indian picked up the phone, went all through the identity-verification process, asking me to repeat everything at least once, and tried to start the entire process of faultfinding from the very beginning again.

Eventually I got him to read the notes from the previous encounter, and he calmed down and said that a fault had been detected either on the line or at the exchange, and that my connection would be restored within the next 48 hours.

48 hours without internet! Just as I began to see red I remembered the BT Broadband Desktop Help software that I had installed on my computer and activated it while I was still trying to translate the representative’s further words into something intelligible and getting him to understand what I was saying.

The software said that I had no internet connection because the router needed resetting by pressing the reset button on the side of the hardware unit for 10 seconds and then releasing it. I told the Indian this but he wasn’t programmed to respond in that area and couldn’t understand what I was saying. He then denied that my software existed; even though it was provided by BT, following which he started repeating over and over that my connection would be restored within 48 hours. I fobbed the idiot off that he was 100% right and thanked him for his “help” before hanging up.

It was then that I did what I should have done in the first place: I held the reset button in for 10 seconds and released it, clicked the connect button that appeared on the screen, and… connection restored. Target neutralised.

It was now 5:35 AM, and I’d wasted sleeping time talking to incompetent idiots and tying to solve a fault their way that I eventually solved in less than a minute with the correct way.

- So BT users in the UK: If your internet dies suddenly, don’t phone BT, especially outside of office hours. Instead run the BT Broadband Desktop help module that you probably have installed on your computer: If you don’t have it installed you can download it HERE. Set it up while your computer and internet are running normally. – Yes I know the software used to be as much help as the Indian; but it’s now been vastly improved and is a great diagnostic tool for BT internet users only:

Use it; rather than the Indian pillock you’ll most likely get on the other end of the phone – It’ll save you much time and effort.

Click Here

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“Is that the name on the account?” She asked.

“Well if it’s anything else I’ll get free telephone calls.” I replied.

“OK; and can I take your name please?” She asked.

“Oh for.. OK Listen very carefully: I shall say this only once.” I was starting to get annoyed. “My name is Sharron Field. MY account number is *********. The name on the account is my name. Capiche?”

“I am solly could you repeat that please.”

I checked my blood which was rising up from my body to my head. “No I won’t say it a third time.” I stated forcefully.

“I cannot help you unless I have your details.” She said.

“I can’t give you my details because you’re not listening.” I replied “Are you intending to pay me for my time that you’re wasting?”

“Hold on a minute please – Please be on the line – I am going to hand you over to my colleague.”

Another two minutes passed; I could hear a lot of Urdu being spoken. Eventually a different woman’s voice sounded:

“I am sorry about that.” She said. “My name is Bhruphiada Harinami [Another made-up Indian sounding name, but you honestly don't expect me to remember the real names do you?] and you are again through to BT. May I take your name please?”

I was starting to give up hope. “Please do me a favour and write this down.” I noticed the anxiety in my own voice. “I don’t care if I have to speak to everyone in India before someone understands me; but I don’t intend to answer the same questions every time. My name is Sharron Field: That’s Sharron with 2 “R”s.”

“How do you spell that please?” – I felt the words “Fuck” and “off” forming in my mouth, but somehow restrained myself.

I spelled out my name; in phonetics just to be on the safe side, as I knew the Indian staff were trained in phonetics by BT, and I also gave my account number again in an extremely pissed-off voice when asked. After 5 minutes I’d answered the same 2 questions 4 times and got nowhere. Progress was imminent or I was going to be ending the call and making a complaint I decided.

“How may I assist you today Miss Field?” She asked. YES! I was getting through at last!

I explained that I’d accidentally cancelled my Direct Debiting instruction and that to set it up again I needed the details of the account that I should pay in to.

“You want to set up a Direct Debit?” She asked. AARRRGH! I was becoming rapidly annoyed. I explained again.

“You want the details of your account?” She asked. I bit my tongue.

It was quite obvious that I wasn’t going to get anywhere like this; so I changed tack:

“No no no. Forget it.” I said “Start again. I’m now setting up a Direct Debit on my computer via Internet Banking, OK. I have all the details I need except that I need to know which account to pay in to.”

“I’m not sure.” Came the reply. “I will pass you on to our Finance Department…”

“You’ll do no such thing!” I interjected abruptly. “I’ll just try something. Don’t go away or pass me on to anyone. Wait a minute: Now I’m clicking Bill Payment and typing in BT; that should do the trick. OK I have been given account number GB 305*****. Is that the correct account?”

“That is a GB account yes? I don’t have any details of GB accounts available here.”

I was starting to lose it: “So you’re the public face of BT for the UK – In India of all places – And you have no idea as to which account UK customers pay their bills into?”

“Please wait. I will go and ask someone. Stay on the line please. I will not be long.”

I silently muttered several blasphemies mixed with Anglo-Saxon phraseology in the following 2 minutes until she returned:

“I am solly Miss Field but my call was cut off and I cannot get back through to the department I need to ask. You could always try to ring them yourself. I will give you their number. Do you have a pen?”

I considered this a good option as I badly needed a break and was rapidly approaching the end of my tether.

“I have a pen. Fire away.” I said.

“Hello Miss Field. Do you have a pen?”

“What’s up with you? I just told you I have a pen. What’s the number?” I replied

No answer: “Hello; can you hear me?” I asked.

Miss Field. Hello. Miss field are you there?”

“Hello I’m here. You obviously need to replace your hearing-aid battery.” I snapped.

“Miss Field I am sorry but I will have to terminate this call as you are not answering. I will suggest that you attempt to ring again on    0800 800 150   . Thank you. Goodbye.”

The Line went dead.

‘Watch BT if you do business with them: They’re very shrewd and snide: But they can be utilised in an overall cost-cutting strategy nevertheless.