Back on the theme of technology; and I saw this initially at http://operatingsystems.mixx.com , went and found it on You-Tube, and brought it here for your entertainment.

What do you imagine would happen if Bill Gates were suddenly captured by Steve Jobs?

Here’s one idea with a Star Wars flavour at one point:

May the source be with you.

Enjoy the coming week, and best of luck with it.

A break from the usual tech-related subject matter.

A blonde phoned up a video-hire shop:

"Hello: I rented a porno-film yesterday to spice up me and my boyfriend’s lovemaking, but when we played it there was nothing on the cassette at all. It really let us down, and I’d like compensation when I bring it back later."

The store owner replied:

"I’m so sorry madam. We did receive a few faulty videos in our last batch; and it seems that you’ve accidentally managed to pick up one of them. I understood that we’d checked all the videos on display and removed all the faulty ones. You say this was a porn video. Do you have the title of it to hand?"

The blonde replied:

"Head Cleaner."

I was having an extended blonde moment today; so I started writing a post about blondes. I deleted a lot of things. It’s unfair to judge a person’s IQ level by their hair colour - There are a lot of hair dyes available these days.

I’m trying to introduce this video I found on You Tube. The artiste’ is Damh the Bard - A very famous performer amongst the Pagan community. You can visit his website at http://www.paganmusic.co.uk. If you like his music then why not buy his album(s)? All the recorded tracks are self-produced, and the money from sales of his albums funds the next album.

Enjoy.

Feel free to comment. Have a good week.

Here’s another weird Windows experiment for you to try in your spare time:-

If you’re running Microsoft Word 2007; open Microsoft Word 2007 and type the following:

=rand (200, 99)

Now press ENTER.

If you’re running Microsoft Word 2003 or earlier; open Microsoft Word and type the following:

=rand.old (200,99)

All of a sudden a load of text has appeared: More Windows magic?

You ain’t seen nothing yet: Let’s try again in a foreign language:

Open Microsoft Word 2007 again and type the following:

=lorem (200,99)

Press ENTER.

(You may have seen this text associated with some third-party aspect of WordPress also perhaps?)

(Unfortunately for users of Word 2003 or earlier, =lorem … only works in Word 2007, or so I am led to believe.)

Crazy Glitch ( Type In =rand(200,99) In Mircrosoft Word - Click here for the funniest movie of the week

What’s going on here?

The rand() or =rand.old function in Microsoft Word specifically generates (random) text. The text that it generates may vary from version to version: In Word 2003 and older versions the text produced is different to that produced by 2007

The first number  inside the brackets is the number of paragraphs of text to generate. The second is the number of lines in each paragraph.

See the following Microsoft help and Support article: http://support.microsoft.com/?kbid=212251 .

No; this isn’t political subterfuge…

…It’s a crazy little experiment for you to try in your spare time:-

If you’re using Windows, do the following:-

1. Open an empty notepad file
2. Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3. Save it as whatever you want.
4. Close it, and re-open it.

(It should work with most versions of Notepad.)

——

That is so weird! Why does that happen?

There’s a bug in most versions of notepad that misinterprets ANSI text as Unicode.

A number of different word patterns can generate this same effect: The bug is triggered by any sentences with a first word with an even number of letters (2 or more) and all other words with odd number of letters (3 or more).

Example: "Go sit about there".

See also: wikipedia.org - Bush_hid_the_facts

I didn’t want to go here but it looks like I am anyway. First a warning that you might find this offensive or extremely contravercial.

On with the show:

And now a small vacation of a few minutes into the continuation of George Bush’s God-Squad politics in the form of God’s insult to evolution; Sarah Palin.

Right-wing religionist and fundamentalist Repugnut Sarah Palin thinks Jesus loves her and has destined her for greatness. (-Which isn’t a bad feat for a Witch who’s been dead for over 2000 years.) Personally I see it as more of a case of the uneducated masses supporting the untalented excuse for a leader who’s intent on perpetuating the only reason that the mentally-dull can find to carry on with their miserable waste-of-a-life; that being their religious crutch with which they limp through their unfulfilled existences.

Senator McCain… Oh yeah he’s meant to be the candidate - No, he’s the puppet fronting the campaign with Palin pulling the strings. It’s the Wizard of Oz all over again!

If they should manage to get in, prepare for a return to the dark-ages for the US at the mercy of the Yahweh and Son black-comedy circus. Forced pregnancies for rape victims, books banned from libraries because they don’t convey Palin’s delusional religionism, children indoctrinated from an early age to worship her image - Just like the children at Jesus Camp around 2006 who worshipped a cardboard cutout of Dubya.

‘Not only that but a prospect of a discontinuation of relations with Russia caused by an inability to negotiate, and maybe a re-ignition of the cold war - In addition to a probable religiously-inspired war with the Islamic nations in the name of "God".

Yes it’s another of those "Vote Republican and veto sanity" elections. - And this time the best that the Religious Right could come up with is not only insane and inadequate, but also this time scarily so.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for feminism and equality: But not with a delusional Jesus-freak peddling it along with an enforcement of her personal beliefs whilst at the same time destroying all the credibility of a superpower and igniting further global tension.

And Obama… Does he have what it takes? Probably not, right at the present moment; but he certainly appears to be at least sane. Honestly I am scared that the Republicans have a chance of winning this US election; even though I live across the puddle in the UK.

OK I just had to vent that. That’s all. I’ll leave you with a fitting ending:-

I’ve just been reading the story at http://www.worldnetdaily.com/?pageId=74461

“Scientists preparing to fire up the world’s largest atom smasher are being flooded with phone calls and emails – even death threats – from people worried that the Large Hadron Collider, when activated, will obliterate planet Earth.”

Is that the flat Earth?

“There are a number who say, ‘You are evil and dangerous and you are going to destroy the world.”"

- And if that’s true then they’ll never have anything else to worry about anyway.

I wonder; were they the same people who instantly believed Tony Blair when he said

“Saddam Hussein has hundreds of missiles pointed at the Western nations and can release them all within 15 minutes. You need to put your life at risk and kill Iraqis to stop him before it’s too late.”

At the same time George Bush said

“The LORD spaketh unto me; and He sayeth: “George - Thou shalt rise up and smite those from the heathen nations who seek to destroy thee; and ye shall take them prisoner and cease their oil; for there may be profit in it for thee.” - So according to our intelligence…According to US intelligence; I don’t have any, we have a strategic advantage and we’re gonna bomb the bastards! God bless America!” (Aside: “Colin who wrote this speech?…Seinfeld huh? Is he new?”)

Are these by any chance the same people who say that Pagans are evil because some ignorant preacher told them that Pagans worship their Devil character? Quite possibly.

“Some scientists have reported receiving death threats.”

Er - Excuse me! You reckon the scientists are going to kill us all and you send them death threats!? Come on now - Like reality check time. Duh!

“CERN, an acronym for the European Organization for Nuclear Research, is no stranger to doomsday predictions about its research.”

“Author Dan Brown, famous for writing “The Da Vinci Code,” wrote another novel called “Angels & Demons,” about antimatter stolen from CERN to build a bomb. The book’s popularity prompted CERN to create a webpage devoted to debunking the rumours stirred by the novel.”

If some fruitcake wrote a book the world’s population dieing from gluttony; would that stop mass obesity? No.

Official CERN logo

Internet conspirators have also pointed out the organization’s logo, constructed from the drawn paths of three supercolliders, resembles the organization’s name surrounded by the numerals 666, a number Bible prophecy assigns to the end-times Antichrist.

‘Strange that; I see at least four 6’s there: Maybe it’s the Devil’s phone number! Quick; ban telephones!

  <<The Saviour?

Others have whispered that a statue of “the Indian god of destruction” Lord Shiva, given to CERN by Indian dignitaries four years ago and displayed outside the building, is proof that the organization is destined to destroy the world.

ROFLMFAO!

Pleeease! Somebody round up these halfwits; because I want to do a scientific experiment to see how many large high-energy hadrons I can shove where the sun don’t shine before they expire!

The end of the world is nigh! - GFIA!

A Pagan man died.

He found himself standing at the Pearly Gates; with St Peter blocking his way.

I’m sorry,” Said St Peter, “but you can’t come in here: You’re a Pagan, and you don’t even believe this place exists.”

The Pagan was startled. “Where do I go then?” He asked.

I’m afraid you’ll have to go to hell.” St Peter replied.

The Pagan resigned himself to destiny as St Peter waved his hand and he vanished.

He found himself in a dark courtyard standing outside some black gates smeared with blood suspended on two fiery gateposts. The gates were covered with gruesome gargoyles, and were rather hot to the touch. The Pagan opened the gates and noticed a sign above reading “Hell. No Exit.” He gulped as he stepped inside.

A falling leaf brushed past his face as he looked around. The sun shone through the trees and a song thrush sang a merry tune from the woodland in front of him. He was standing on a well-paved path which led into the woods. Squirrels and fawns came up to meet him as he passed through the wooded scenery. Tree spirits smiled as a tiny sylph hovered above her dew-pond and a dragonfly buzzed past.

Awestruck by the beauty of the place, the Pagan saw a well-dressed gentleman standing at the other end of the wood, holding a black cane with a small skull on the top of it.

“Ah…Hello…” He called, hesitantly, not knowing quite what to expect. “I’m new here: I wonder if you could help me?”

The other man turned and smiled.

Ah a new entrant.” He said. Yes I’ve heard all about you. Do allow me to show you around. I’m Satan by the way. I was just inspecting the latest bluebells, which appear to be sadly lacking in fragrance at this moment.”

“Tell me,” He continued, “Do you think a shrubbery would look nice there? I usually have them planted with pink lobelia, but I have a feeling light blue would better match the light.”

They strode out from the woods, chatting pleasantly, and to the edge of a quiet summer meadow. “The Pagan meeting grounds are right over there near the stone circle just over that hill.” Continued Satan. “I told them you were coming and they’re simply dieing to meet you if you’ll excuse the pun…”

The Pagan had noticed a huge cloud assembling above; and was just about to remark on it when:

KABOOM! A streak of lightning exploded the air between the centre of the meadow and the sky. Smoke rose from the meadow as the ground fell away revealing a huge blazing pit. Sulphur fumes filled the air as a chasm opened in the cloud above the pit, out of which flew three black bat-winged demons carrying pitchforks. One of them shouted “Come on you slow bastards!”, following which out tumbled several naked people into the flames; screaming in agony from the heat.

The pit closed-over and the meadow floor re-grassed itself as if by magick. The Demons re-entered the chasm and it and the cloud melted silently away.

The Pagan stared transfixed in horror and amazement.

“W-what was that!” He exclaimed.

Satan looked directly at him with red eyes aglow, a smirk on his face; and said, tongue-in-cheek:

“Those were Christians, they wouldn’t have it any other way.”

*Please note. : This story is fiction, and was for the purpose of humour only. It does not reflect the beliefs of Pagans, and neither is it written to ’slate’ or to provoke anyone of any belief or denomination. Any offence caused by this joke is unintentional, and is unnecessarily taken.

*Shazza recommends*

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Starring:

Sharron (Me) 

DedRyzing 

davidrisley 

Bitch that I am I can never resist a bit of “I told you so” bragging: So when David Risley posted the following tweet on twitter:

  “Went to use my Iphone and, sure enough, it’s dead. Frickin’ battery. No comment from @kkomp please. ;-)”

- This war happened:

Me: @davidrisley iPhone, iPhone, falla-diddle-iPhone. iPhone, iPhone, falla-diddle-i…No more need be said…ROFLMFAO!

- At this point DedRyzing opened up on target: 

DedRyzing @davidrisley Well ya know Dave…everyone was saying the iphone battery is dung.  And ya bought two…sad. I feel for ya

DedRyzing @davidrisley Don’t fret though. Disabling the phone will increase batt life for important things like ibeer and the lightsaber thingy 

A feeble response of counter-fire: 

davidrisley @kkomp @DedRyzing Its still the best phone out there, guys. I haven’t seen a phone yet with the same balance of features.

It’s war:

DedRyzing @davidrisley Honestly, yer right. Which says less about how good the iphone is and more about how BAD other phones are.

A shot across the boughs from me:

Me: @davidrisley That’s only because you never bothered to get a Viewty.

A veiled attempt at opening negotiation from the target: 

davidrisley @kkomp Looked at Viewty. Good camera phone. But, it is no Iphone.

Fire 1:

Me: That’s the beauty of a Viewty: It’s not an iPhone! - I ought to do their PR; they’d sell more product than apple!

Fire 2: 

Me: @davidrisley That’s the beauty of a Viewty: It’s not an iPhone! - I ought to do their PR; they’d sell more product than apple!

Fire 3: 

Me: @davidrisley I - Phone but the battery’s dead; so I use the beauty of my Viewty and get straight through: iPhone + dead battery = No phone.

Incoming communication from allied force: 

DedRyzing @kkomp It boils down to this. Other phones do a few things crappy.  The iPhone can do a lot more things crappy.

Incoming challenge from target: 

davidrisley @kkomp DedRyzing Hope you guys will be in the show chatroom tonight so I can argue with you.

Reload tubes. Response to allied force: 

Me: @DedRyzing That says it all : Let’s email LG today and offer to jointly run their PR campaign: KompDedRyzing Promotions Present…

Fire 1: 

Me: @davidrisley LOL you’d better beleive it. Topic = The iPhone battery life and ways to improve it other than not using the iPhone at all.

Fire 2: 

Me: @davidrisley On second thoughts that’ll be the shortest topic discussion ever.

Small-arms attack on target from allied force: 

DedRyzing @davidrisley Geez man…every show I argue with either you or @frostedside. Man…stop picking fights.

Fire 3: 

Me: @davidrisley I hope Apple never develop an electric car…

Incoming communication from allied force: 

DedRyzing @davidrisley Just start running OpenBSD and use an OpenMoko Freerunner and everything will be ok

Response to allied force: 

Me: @DedRyzing …Or he could always invest in a Viewty; as I suggested before he wasted his money on a dead battery - I mean an iPhone.

Nothing further from target - Scanners detect target neutralised.

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